The Fearless Factor | Overcome Fear Now

One of my favorite movies of all time is Cool Hand Luke with Paul Newman.

At a certain point, after Luke has tried unsuccessfully to escape for the umpteenth time, the Boss says “What we have here is a failure to communicate!“ It is a classic line and one that has resonated with me over the years.

Communication is without a doubt, the most important skill required to live successfully.

Learning how to speak to each other and to ourselves is an art form that must be practiced. Being a FEARLESS communicator takes time and skill acquired over a lifetime.

I’ve been with my husband for nearly 30 years and during this time we have argued, blamed and criticized more times than I can remember. We were known as the Bickerson’s and at times it could get downright nasty. After years in therapy, we learned to communicate our needs by stating ‘I’ messages, instead of ‘you’ messages. What this means is when I feel confronted by something uncomfortable or abrasive in his behavior, I tell him “I feel……when you say/do in that way……….” I’m taking responsibility for my end of things. He then has to figure out his end of it.

Taking ownership in communication is key. Blaming and judgment are not helpful. All it does it give your negativity a place to go. Usually over to the other person involved.

But communication is more than just saying something. We communicate with our entire bodies. When you get up to speak to an audience be aware that the words you say are the least of it.

7% is the words you use
30% is your tone of voice
63% is conveyed through your body.

What does it say when your forehead is wrinkled, your hands are on your hips, and your poking your fingers in the air while yelling? That’s easy isn’t it?

So what is your method of communicating?

Visual – uses body language and physiology to convey messages. Example: gestures with hands
Auditory – listens well and uses words and tone to get message across. Example: speaks slowly or enunciates well.
Kinesthetic – is very touch, feely in communication. Example: touches your arm frequently.

When you communicate do you:

Feel listened to?
Get your point across as well as you would like?
Listen to others well?

Next time you’re in conversation with someone observe the way they convey their message. Ask an opinion of someone else on how you communicate. Observe your language and your posture.

We all want to be understood, liked and respected. Learning how to do that is a life skill we all must develop.

Are you ready to test your communication skills?

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