We Baby Boomers have reached a time when our children are leaving home either to get a job, or to start college. As a busy parent, you may suddenly find yourself with more time on your hand, less laundry to do, a refrigerator that looks empty, and a general echoing in the house that you hadn’t noticed before. You may also find yourself moping about, wishing they would call, wondering what your son or daughter is up to, and counting down the days when they return to the fold, if just for a weekend. Then you’ll pull out all the stops, cook all their favorite foods, and put up with their mess, because it’s only a few days before they disappear again, leaving you feeling empty and without purpose. Welcome to the Empty Nest Syndrome.

But hold the mayo! You may be in for a shock because frequently they return home again. More 24-30 year olds are moving back in with their parents than ever before. The cost of living out there is just too much. They are called ‘boomerang kids’ and as psychologist Allan Scheinberg says, these kids want the “limited responsibility of childhood and the privileges of adulthood,” and guess what, they are going to do it on your dime.

Not only do you get to foot the bill for their education, but when they finish school and find out that the opportunities to have their own apartment and a lifestyle that is commensurate with what they left behind is a difficult swallow, they will move right back in. Your empty nest is suddenly full again, but this time, you’re not dealing with kids anymore, unless they revert to old patterns of behavior, which frequently happens.

Empty nest syndrome is usually associated with mothers, but as the population of working mothers increases, it is less likely that women in particular will feel the loss of their company. This is good news for us. But men also experience grief when the last child departs. In my household, my husband is the one who gets all teary eyed when they go off to college. I happily wave goodbye and look forward to the time I can call my own.

This is a time of re-invention for everyone. What’s next? At the same time as kids leave home, often a man’s career will start leveling off. There may be an abundance of time with the wife–which isn’t always positive. Suddenly, the wife feels that here time isn’t her own anymore. If he’s retired, she wants him out from under her feet.

But there is also something else that kicks in. A sense of dread, or despair even, that when the children leave home the marriage might fall apart. The children were the glue that was holding it all together. According to experts, communication is crucial during the beginning stages of empty nest, which usually lasts about six months. It is a time to hash out underlying issues in personal lives and relationships. Questions couples should ask include: Are there problems that haven’t been addressed because of the children? Are the finances good? Do we want to spend more time together or even less?

Couples sometimes have to renegotiate the marriage,” says Dr. Kevin Kerber a clinical psychiatrist and assistant professor in the department of psychiatry at the University of Michigan. “For example, they may have had a good pattern that was relatively stable when the kids were around–everything from who cooked and cleaned to sexual frequency.” But with more time on their hands, many couples start to criticize the habits of the other more often, and frequently, this will lead to a divorce.

It’s a fact that more women in midlife are getting divorced than ever before. As Ellie, the 55 year old newly single women told me, “I woke up one day and realized that with the kids gone, I didn’t have any reason to stick around. I wanted out and I wanted my own life free from all the debates and restrictions. Six months after our son Jeff left for college, I found myself a job working at a local bookstore, and I’ve never been happier. I get to meet people all day long, and I’m happy to be living by myself.”

So where’s the conflict? The kids leave home, you worry about them; you’re happy they left; you wish they would come home again; then they come home again and you wish they would leave; or they don’t come home, and you decide your relationship needs a new coat of paint; or you’re ready to call it quits because the glue that held you together is no longer sticking. So what is empty nest syndrome? Is it something to be worried about, or is life just doing its thing. Is it really a c*rock?

That’s a question only you can decide. Give us some feedback on this. How do you feel about this issue? www.fearlessfifties.comA Community for Women Who Are Re-Inventing Life