Did you know that people who win Oscars live four years longer than those who lose?  What did Sandra Bullock lose when she won?

In today’s New York Times, David Brooks, the noted columnist talked about The Sandra Bullock Trade. At a time when she should have been celebrating her happiness, she traded her success as an actress and Oscar winner for a failed marriage to someone who was a complete jerk.

According to researchers money, success and awards don’t buy happiness.  It’s connectivity that matters.  Our ability to have satisfying relationships with other people that makes the difference.  Happiness comes through our interpersonal relationships.

In the article, David Brooks pointed out that most of us pay attention to the wrong things.

Most people vastly overestimate the extent to which more money would improve our lives. Most schools and colleges spend too much time preparing students for careers and not enough preparing them to make social decisions. Most governments release a ton of data on economic trends but not enough on trust and other social conditions. In short, modern societies have developed vast institutions oriented around the things that are easy to count, not around the things that matter most. They have an affinity for material concerns and a primordial fear of moral and social ones.

So what does matter to us?

One of the most interesting books I’ve read recently is Drive by Daniel Pink.  I’ve always loved Dan’s work and he is one of the most forward thinking writers out there.  He states that for the last hundreds of years we have been motivated by external rewards like money – and prodded along with the “if you do this….then you get that” mentality, which is the carrot and stick approach.

But it no longer works that way.  People want more out of life.  They want to direct their own lives, learn and create new things, and do better for themselves and the world.

In short, we are waking up to the fact that life is not about money. Never has, and never will.  We want more satisfaction at work, at home and in life.  We want to start living up to our potential and we want to find meaning and purpose in our existence so we can leave something lasting to the children, and the children’s children.

True motivation is based on three important ideas.  Autonomy, Mastery and Purpose.

The first part is clear. Give people more control over their own lives and they will find satisfaction in what they are doing.

Secondly, if we are to gain mastery, we must be devoted to life-long learning because there will never be a point at which you think you know everything.

Third, as we progress in life, we like to think that our lives have purpose. It’s not just a case of getting through the days, but that we are genuinely giving something back.  It makes us feel needed when we feel that way.

So taking all this into consideration, what does it mean?

Wealth and success is not all it’s cracked up to be.  Sure, it has some benefits, but by being more strongly connected to others, having a real sense of having some control of your own life, and by giving back to the world in a meaningful way, we will live happier lives because we perform better, have greater health, and overall well-being.

Now, that’s worth having.